When Anxiety Makes You Think Everyone Hates You

One of the worst symptoms of anxiety is feeling like people hate you. It's not only mentally painful, but it's also physically painful. When I feel this way, my heart aches, it's hard to breathe and it feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest. My eyes fill with tears but I have to pretend I'm okay. I get quiet and hypersensitive to every comment people make. I begin to overthink and overanalyze and the pain gets so bad that I get nauseous. I hold my stuffed bunny tightly against my chest to subside the pain.

I begin to think: what did I say? What did I do wrong? Am I being annoying? Should I talk less? Should I distance myself? Am I doing something to upset them or is my existence just annoying? Do people actually want to spend time with me? Am I inviting myself into situations that I am not wanted in? Am I overreacting? Is this actually happening or is it just my anxiety talking? I can't just be imagining things, people are being different. But are they really?

It's draining. I start having panic attacks more often, sleeping more, crying more, talking less, socializing less. Then people ask if I'm okay. I can't explain myself. Reassurance won't help me. I start apologizing for everything. Sometimes I wish I didn't exist. I want to vanish and be invisible because I feel like my presence is an inconvenience and that I'm a burden.

These thoughts consume my mind and it gets difficult to concentrate. I distance myself and sometimes lash out or act cold. I can't control it, even though I want to. So, to those who love me and support me: I'm sorry that I get like this. I'm trying, but my mind won't let me accept that you don't hate me. Give me time and hopefully, the gears in my mind will interlock and turn again.