What I Need My Friends To Understand About My Social Anxiety

It’s not easy to live with social anxiety. It’s not something I choose, it’s out of my control. To you, it may just seem like I am introverted and unwilling to put myself out there. I am not willing, I am not lazy, I am not making excuses. I am simply physically and mentally unable. What you don’t see is that I really am trying. The battle is an inner one, though. It’s the back and forth with myself between telling myself I can do it and that I should do it, but my body’s physical rejection to even the thought of doing it; the thought of going into the counseling center to talk to someone, the thought of going to a new club, the thought of talking to my professor, the thought of meeting new people. Simply the thought of it causes panic attacks, chest pains, insomnia, nightmares, headaches, indigestion and more. Even when I try to push past that, the physical effects persist. They worsen, in fact.

Daily life with social anxiety is extremely difficult. It is debilitating. But honestly, the hardest part is the lack of understanding and the amount of judgement I receive because of it. It makes me feel so small inside when someone says I need to just “put myself out there.” It makes me feel so frustrated when I am told that I need to “step out of my comfort zone.” And it makes me feel so angry when people assume that because I am not developing new relationships, I am unsatisfied with my current ones. Just because I don’t meet new people as often as others do does not, in any way, mean that the friendships I have are any less significant and meaningful. Of course, I would love it if I could put myself out there more, but that doesn’t make the current friendships I have any less valuable. If anything, they are what keeps me somewhat satisfied and content when social anxiety makes me feel incapable.

But it’s really hurtful when people don’t understand. When they take it as being lazy or being unwilling. And not only is the misunderstanding painful, but the lack of willingness people have to learn about social anxiety and how it affects me makes it even worse. I know I can’t expect everyone to understand but I just want them to try to. I don’t want to have to justify why I order my coffee on the mobile app instead of in the store, or why I haven’t spoken to anyone in my classes, or why I haven’t been to that new place I’ve been wanting to go to. I just want someone to say, “I understand, and I’m here if you want me to do that with you.”