Religion: Fate or Fact

I grew up in a "bubble." A bubble that was culturally and religiously uniform: all my friends were Persian and/or Jewish. Culture has always been important to me and I always felt like I clicked with my friends because we all came from the same cultural background and spoke the same languages. But I always struggled with religion. My mother's side of the family is of Orthodox Judaism, strictly following Jewish guidelines to the highest extent, while my father's side practices Reform Judaism, disregarding many Jewish laws and regulations. And my family is the in between. Since my father's side of the family lives across the country, I grew up surrounded by my mother's side. Of course, being surrounded by religious Jews was nothing new to me considering almost the whole town is Jewish, but my family was my glimpse into the Orthodox world. And I didn't like it. For as long as I can remember, I remember hating being Jewish. The only good memories I have are of my family in our old apartment, which we moved out of over ten years ago, which was before my family began becoming more religious. I dread Shabbat dinners and holidays, which should be the most exciting and joyous part of being Jewish. But I grew up feeling judged and out of place. I feel as if I am constantly walking on eggshells around my family. I know they see me as inferior solely because I am less religious. In the previous year, I wanted to come to college and rid myself of my Jewish identity and practices. I wanted to stop practicing. And honestly, I've always pondered if God really exists. I remember talking my Catholic roommate about religion for the first time, how we were both struggling with coming to terms with who we are and who we want to be in religious contexts. It wasn't until mid freshman year when I began to develop a positive relationship with my Jewish identity. As culturally diverse as my college is, I ended up in a friend group mainly composed of Jewish girls. Ironic, right? Well, many of them don't practice much. And yet as a group, I think we have all developed new perspectives on Judaism. I enjoy attending Jewish events while in college, though I dread anything religion related at home. The previous holiday with my family was dreadful and I have vowed to never put myself in that position again. It is unfortunate that the people who were supposed to nurture me and surround me with positivity so that I could embrace my religion actually made me hate it. I guess sometimes people are blinded by what they believe and are so focused on their perspective that they believe all other perspectives are wrong.