Parenting... at 18?

Now, let me start off by saying, no, I do not have a child. Do I want one? Yes... eventually. But not any time soon. What I mean by "Parenting at 18" is that at 18, I can recognize the things parents do that are effective or ineffective. The actions towards children that will benefit them in the future verses those that will harm them. Maybe this is because I'm a psychology major and I notice things more so than others, or it may just be because of the way I grew up. Quite frankly, I didn't have the best relationship with my mother. I don't know if I can say she was the worst mother, but I can't say she was a good one either. My mother was/is a very controlling person. She likes to control what people do and say, mainly because she likes everything to go her way, but also because she wants everyone to believe she is perfect. She didn't make the last couple of years easy for me, but I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? It might seem simple: when your child says "Mom I hate you!" you don't reply with, "I hate you too!" But I guess some people do. And when your child cries and says "I don't want that!" your instinct shouldn't be to respond, "then I'm going to take a video of you and send it to your teacher!" But I guess threats are an easy way to get your child to do what you want, because, face it, they'll probably give in and do what you say. But what kind of relationship does this secure between you and your child? Well, first off, it doesn't seem to be building lots of trust now, does it? Your child may not confide in you when it comes to personal matters because they know that you may use their vulnerability against them. I know that at least for me, I have never gone to my mother for any personal matter, even now that we are on better terms. I think as a parent, it's a responsibility to provide your child with a safe place to express themselves. Of course, consequences for undesirable actions should be put in place, but threatening and yelling shouldn't be a route. I also believe that a good parent will check in with their children and validate their feelings. Of course, you won't always know what your child is feeling/thinking, but shouldn't you provide your children with a safe place so that, if need be, they can feel comfortable reaching out in difficult times? And as a parent, shouldn't you also have your child as a source of comfort, if need be? Especially as your child matures and reaches adulthood? But I think the single most important thing is respect. My mother always claimed that as the child, I had to respect her. I disagree to a degree. Respect isn't given from child to parent. Respect must be given both ways, from parent to child and from child to parent. A child will not learn to/want to respect their parents if they aren't treated with respect in return. Of course, parents should have authority over their children and guide them towards good decisions, but children have feelings, too. We cannot assume that because they are younger, they are less obligated to receive proper treatment. What message would this be sending your child? We must provide our children with knowledge to understand when they are being treated poorly so that they can remove themselves from a toxic situation before extreme harm is done. So, while this all may seem like a lot, especially coming from an 18 year old, I guess I'm just reflecting on my own personal experiences and giving all my readers something to think about... what will be/are you teaching your children?