Dear Barista: From A Girl With Anxiety

     I know that your job isn’t easy. People aren’t always nice. Sometimes people are rude and demanding, sometimes people have complicated orders, sometimes lines are long and the work exhausts you. I can tell it’s not easy and I admire what you do. I try to be nice, to make my orders as simple as possible, to smile and ask how you are because I want you to feel respected. I don’t want to make your day any harder than it already may be.      In return, I ask you to kindly follow my request. I may feel like my coffee sometimes has too much milk or too much sugar, but that I don’t mind so much. What I do mind is if my coffee is caffeinated. You see, some people ask for decaf as a preference. Some people may ask for their decaf coffee in a rude or unkind manner, and it may want you to give them caffeinated coffee in return. But I ask that you don’t. Their actions or words aren’t justified, but they are still human. And so am I.      I cannot drink caffeinated coffee. It triggers my anxiety in the worst possible way. It only takes a few minutes and then my hands get clammy and cold, my heart starts beating rapidly, it’s hard to breathe and panic attack after panic attack is triggered. They can last hours or even for the entire day. I feel sick to my stomach and my body feels like it’s about to break down. The anxiety from the caffeine prohibits me from going about my day normally. I can try my usual coping methods, but odds are, they won’t work. The caffeine does something to my body that I can’t explain. If I don’t have the right medication on hand, it can turn into a very rough day.      I know that this request may not seem significant to you. Maybe ignoring it is more convenient, and if it is, I apologize for making your job more difficult. If I could control my body’s reaction, I would. But I can’t, so I kindly ask, if I request my coffee to be decaf, please don’t respond by rolling your eyes or by pretending you didn’t hear. You’ll be giving me a lot more than a simple coffee, you’ll be giving me a day with less anxiety.

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A version of this piece has been published on:

Medium- https://medium.com/@taliabina0531/dear-barista-from-a-girl-with-anxiety-9af528310887